One More Day

Last week during my first ever home game in Bresica I felt a sharp shooting pain in my knee. It was similar to the knee pain I had had last year around this time right before I partially ruptured my meniscus. My leg was giving out, there was a pain in the back of my knee, and I could barely put any pressure on it.

After the game I took a few days off and on Monday I saw the doctor. That morning was one of the most stressful tear-filled mornings I’ve ever had. I was sure that I had torn my meniscus again. Not a lot, but just enough that I would need to get surgery… again.
I was ready to pack up my apartment and move back to the states for surgery number 3. Just thinking about having to do all of that drags me down.

I was dejected, so sure that this was over before it had even begun. In that moment, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Even thinking back on it now tears at my insides. Because here’s the thing, surgery number 3 is tough to come back from. At that point is it even worth it? Why keep going? I write this still afraid that when I try to play again, because I haven’t yet, I’ll realize that maybe this is it. I’m just not meant to play professional volleyball. This isn’t the path I’m meant to be on.

Nevertheless, after thinking about all this today I came to a realization. There’s a very good chance that every day I am here might just be my last. I have terrible terrible God awful knees and if something goes wrong with them again, which is likely, it might be time for me to hang this all up. Now that doesn’t mean if I get injured I won’t fight to come back, because maybe in that moment I’ll realize it’s worth it. But there will always be a part of me that considers if that’s really true. I am biomechanically designed to not be an athlete. My bones and ligaments and tendons literally wear away when I walk, let alone play, because of how terrible my knees are. I am not built for this kind of lifestyle.

That being said, I am so blessed.

The realization that I came too wasn’t a negative one. In fact, this realization was a beautiful epiphany. I’m not lamenting about how terribly I’m built, I’m celebrating every chance and opportunity I’ve had and will have to play this game. Every day that I get to play the game I love is a blessing and I need to treat it as such. Every opportunity, every play, every moment that I get to be on the court could be my last. The odds are pretty stacked against me. So, I don’t, I won’t, I can’t take any day for granted because every day that I get to play this game is like an added bonus. Any chance I get to impact someone’s life because of this game is even more amazing! I play because I love the game, but I’m blessed to be able to play.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me. But I know that, right now, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. So, even though the future is unpredictable, and it can change in the blink of an eye I’m just blessed for the opportunities I have had and looking forward to what’s in store.

 

***To any future coaches or people that may want to hire me to play for them… I do exercises to strengthen my knees, wear inserts, work really hard, and don’t plan on giving up my career so easily. Please don’t take this as a negative review on my character or body…. ***
Lmao at me sabotaging my career….. good stuff!

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